WARNING: AVERT YOUR EYES! THIS PLAY CONTAINS MATERIAL OFFENSIVE TO PRACTICALLY EVERYONE! OUR CENSORS HAVE LOST ALL HOPE OF EVER REINING-IN THE MARE BEHIND IT. OUR LAWYERS WEEP, FOR SUITS TO COME. ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER. IF YOU MUST PEEK, BRING A WILL OF IRON TO DEFEND YOU, THIS PLAY IS GRIMM, DARK, BLEAK. AND CERTAINLY NOT FOR MINORS!!!!
CONSIDER YOURSELVES FOREWARNED!
Note from Director: In the interest of piety, the humble scribbler is only a child playing with blocks. Clumsy, but soon is mended. This is fair play, no harm intended.
(Stage opens in the darkness of a void.)
Marry: Oh! A life upon the stage. There are no good parts for women. They give all our parts to boys. Still..one has high hopes and high heels, firm buttocks, large tits, golden tresses, blue eyes, low cut dress, flowing skirt–showing knickers pleases. But hark! What dip-shit put out the lights?
He: Who are you then, gorgeous?
Marry: I should ask you that, shadow in darkness, careful with that hand, you genie, that’s my ass you’re groping.
He: Worry not, fair maiden, knight, in darkness comes best. Any way, enough of play, I am director, just testing wears, but mean no offense.
Marry: None taken, I suppose, your hand is gentle, it merely teases. May I have a part? Pretty, it pleases.
He: Hmm..I do not know, my stage is full. I have actors aplenty, parts are scarce. You would need to be good meat upon the stage, before anyone would have a second bite of you.
Marry: Must we ever speak in darkness? I am a plain girl, from the plains you know, Kansas. Yes, ruby slippers, even, Dorothy, I.
He: Tired role, played out… I think not..though, I have not seen you yet, what I felt appealed, but I must hearty throat have upon my stage. There are large orations, for the right girl, must swallow -sing, just, needs a big chest, to carry the wind.
Marry: Fine, sir, take a sampling of my melons. You will tell me if they are adequate, to suit.
–He gropes, amused, smirks, hardens even.
He: Maybe, Maybe, who will know for true? I may play see, upon the sight of you. You must have a stylish carriage, I can’t stomach the garish, but if you’re sweet, you’ll have a seat, on my magical Four by Two.
Marry: Four by Two? Is that a large part, for me?
He: Larger part than you can handle, I fear.
Marry: Oh, I’m not so sure, sir, with respect. I have handled some very large parts. I come willingly here to do my best, speak my words, as you prescribe in script. My throat is deep, my voice is hearty, melodious, I like to think. My memory excellent, like an elephant’s. I will not forget your lines, or loose my place. I am very well trained, came from the ground up in the business. Playing since I was old enough to walk, practically since weaned from mother’s breast.
He: Cocky girl, aren’t ya?
Marry: Eager beaver, only, keen to please. May we have some lights?
He: Hmm..a red light, just to test how the colour suits your skin, wait, I will turn the switch.
–Footsteps as he walks with confidence on the waxen floor-board’s sheen. She listens, unable to see, and likes the beat of his feet. Heavy, without frightening, well timed, confident, masterful. She hopes she will suit his needs.
He: So, Roxy, let’s see..what do we here?
–She giggles.
He: What?
Marry: No one has called me Roxy in years! Had to dump the name, because of Sting.
He: But you were Roxy once.
Marry: My mother called me that, but I decided for myself my name should be Marry.
He: Marry? You mean Mary.
Marry: No, Marry, you know, MAHHHRRRY, with mouth wide open, like that, and roll of tongue. French, the boys like it.
-He laughs, hearty.
He: Well, Maaaahhhhhrrrrry, Marr, I see your humour, but this is serious part.
Marry: I can do serious.
He: Colour-me unconvinced. What is this I see but another Barbie doll before me? A clone of clones, a common tart. No, I need a fair maiden, for my part.
Marry: Maiden, I was, Tin-Tin, but I can supply.
He: Tin-Tin?
Marry: I assumed that was your name.
He: Did you, then..clever girl, so forward in assuming, what makes you think such a thing?
Marry: Your bright-white teeth.
–He laughs, hearty, loud, echoing.
He: I will need to have you read before me first.
Marry: I’ve had many readings. I’m ready to take it, whenever you’re pleased to show me the lines.
He: Well, I should not take a risk, on one such as you, common child. But, you’ve caught me on a good day, I’ll let you read, a minor part. If your voice suits, you might have more. If your voice is shrill, you will never again set foot upon my stage, or any other.
Marry: Demanding, aren’t you?
He: Naturally, it is only sane and responsible to demand good performance from players. Players are harlots, many, remember, regardless of gender. Very few worthy of my stage dear, but I take good care of my company, my noble players. They are all of them fiercely loyal to me. I am fiercely protective of them.
Marry: Which is as it should be.
He: Yes.
–He smirks.
He: Well, Marry, I will give you a ditty. Nothing to do with this play, I think you not suited, certainly for such a large part, but you may have a cameo, perhaps. A role as an extra, maybe. I don’t know… Have you played a clown before?
–She laughs, uncontrollably.
Marry: Ohhh! (grasps sides) Oooh, Tin Man, Aaaah-haaa! Eeeeh! Heeee! (giggles, snorts, unsightly lack of decorum.)
He: Young lady, are you nuts?
Marry: Nooo! (laughs, gasps for air, regains composure, moderate)
Sir, it’s the irony! You see, we are carnies, my family. Mother was a reader of cards, fairly accurate, many said. Father was the greatest clown of all..surely you’ve heard of Bozo! Of course, he did not raise me, merely left mom with the bag. No, I was raised by the lion tamer, you see, that’s how I know of whippings. I will be your clown if you’ll have a clown, but, believe me, I have been all around the ring. I am even handy on the trapeze.
He: (evidently bemused, but remaining aloof) No circus, here, you understand. I am not Roman. I am Britannia’s son. The globe watches over my stage, with keen eye. I needs must quality supply. You look a Pearl to me, I will call you Pearl, bedeck your cheek with rouge, your waxen hair curl. Behave as a fun light-hearted girl, that is what the role calls for. If you perform well there, with lollipop, and red-balloon, we will see if you may have a greater part. If I believe hell will thaw soon.
Marry: Gotcha! Tin-Man, I’m your gal! Get me the frilly dress, the Mary-Jane shoes, the lacy folded socks, just at the ankle. Dress me as you please. I am your mannequin, your harlequin, your Barbie, roast me, your white bread, toast me, your clay, mould me. It’s your play, after all, as you rightfully told me.
(He puts a hand to his chin and gives her a once-over, with raised eyebrow, and puckered lips.)
He: Very well, what the hell, it will probably doom me. But I’ll give you a spin. Let’s go behind these curtains, show me your wares. I need to know what kind of a mess I’m in.
Marry: I won’t disappoint.
He: Big words, little meaning.
Marry: I’m the genuine article, Tin-Man, true Dorothy.
He: Less talk, more action.
Marry: As you wish.
**End Scene**
